† What If there is a chance of meeting someone interesting.. someone who got your attention.. whole attention that when you saw them and read their familiar name .. a name that u like and use sometimes cause you like so much .. this coincidence is strange and you just stare at them and wonder : where did I see this face? Do I know it .. I surely recognize it and like it .. I wish I can talk to them.. personally .. alone .. How can I reach them? or how can I invite them to contact me ?? I like them too but how can I let them know I am available and would love to meet them?? All these questions are running in my head and distracting me while I am driving from work to pick up something and return to it .. my boss is absent today so I can move around and finish some work that I need to do during working hours in the morning.. Just now at work I entered late as usual and headed first as I said my Hellos and Hi s to my co workers and friends there to the kitchen where the staff gather to ask them to make me coffee and drink some water after the long walk from my car to the department where I work .. the parking-lot is a bit far .. and I just smoked me a joint in the car which made me so damn thirsty as I walked all the way to the second floor in the building .. I saw new faces there in the kitchen.. not the usual Mohamed and Rajo who make my coffee all the time .. it must be the summer staff cause now that the summer holiday started they switch .. some travel to their families back home and others replace them .. so when I walked in they were all silent ..starring at me .. looking at my tattoos and wondering is it a man or a woman!!!?? the usual .. I can read their thoughts loudly from the looks on their eyes and the way they were looking at me and my short hair.. black sweat pants and navy blue T.shirt .. I wasn’t wearing a cap so with my hair I can pass for a gay guy .. lol or a tomboy on second glance .. I asked them to fix me some Turkish sweet coffee and to bring it to the secretaries where I was thinking of going to talk to my friend who was calling from since yesterday .. she is the manager there where the bitches gather .. well I believe all secretaries and nurses are fucking bitches .. all of them ,,no exception .. don’t get me wrong .. I love them bitches .. but they are bitches .. from my own experience .. girls who tend to work in these fields got to be a fucking bitch .. you gonna tell me !! .. mom is a secretary and I have dealt with many nurses cause of my constant admission in and out of rehab .. I mixed up with a lot of them there and secretaries too .. no one tops them in gossip and bitchy talk and behavior .. I like to hang out with them sometimes .. I can be myself more than with the strict people and so I went to their office since I was high and just walked in the department .. on my way out of the kitchen I saw my friend who I talked to as we entered the office where there were another two girls inside working .. and who I know but I usually keep my distance from most of the people there .. Only this friend of mine who I go out with .. smoke up with and know .. she is blonde .. chubby .. about 38 years old .. single .. typical secretary but a hard worker and now she is managing the office and got degrees which made her above the rest of the secretaries but she is the big boss’s bitch .. I sat on the sofa and talked to her .. she is cool and I respect her too but she is not my type .. she is cute but I am not into bitches even though she is funny and fun to be around , but too complicated and dominant .. this is how I think she is in a relationship .. materialistic and one who would eat you alive if you messed with .. loud .. no .. We are too much alike and I cant be attracted to this type of women .. we can be friends though and this is what we are .. I never tried to hit on her even though I think she likes me but she is straight .. dick worshipper kind of woman .. not my type at all .. when my coffee arrived the worker told me :Come please .. the boss wants to talk to you !!! what boss I wondered but I got up and walked out of the office following this Indian guy like an idiot to the office right in front of the kitchen .. a good looking woman sat behind the desk with full make up and nice long hair .. and on the sofa in front of her sat a an older woman.. no make up and very formal looking .. I stood at the door and the beautiful one asked me : are you a translator ?? and I said yes .. she said come in .. sit down .. we intend to kidnap you !!! Ha ?? I was lost .. but smiled and sat on the other side of the sofa next to the older woman .. in front of this beauty .. who started talking ,, she was wearing this dark red lipstick .. I was still wearing my shades so I took them off ,, pulling back my hair as I placed them on my head while starring at this woman trying to understand what the fuck she was talking about .. I was stoned and she was talking in Arabic .. I didn’t get the word she was saying .. but apparently she was talking about raises and my salary .. asking me if I am getting paid more for being a translator ..and what I understood is this new department is new and specialize in translation .. so she was offering me a job and telling me that I will get paid more there .. she was trying to tempt me .. there was a devilish look in her eyes as she was inviting me in .. I knew she was talking bullshit .. her intentions were totally different than what she was talking about .. but the presence of the older woman was preventing her from talking … and it made me feel uncomfortable talking so I told her that I will get back to her and excused her and went back to my friend .. we sat and I asked her about what the woman was talking about and she told me that this raise thing is something new and they are didn’t approve it yet from the ministry ,, and I heard some noise outside the office so I turned to find her walking out the older lady .. and asked my friend asking her this is the woman who is she .. and she told me her name .. I was silent for a minute and then asked her again: she is married right? and my friend said : divorced ..! hmm she got my attention .. and I listened to her as she said : well she got married for a short while .. not even marriage but It was something like engagement which didn’t last long before it ended … and on the tips of my tongue I wanted to say : she wants me to bang her !! I would usually say what’s on my mind but the two girls who were sitting and hearing our conversation made me keep repeating this sentence in my head and couldn’t say it loudly .. now I have to get back to work to sign out , and I am thinking of passing to her office and leaving her a note there with my mobile number in it .. should I do it .. ?? or just wait till tomorrow and talk to her personally?? what about my girl ?? shit she would like her if she saw her but she is away now and I need to be with one .. or shall I just leave her my email : marlow777james@gmail.com !!! you can reach me through this if you want to ,, message received ?? good .. see ya
There is a door .. invisible to some while to the rest and most invisible ..This door is in the mind and will be able to take one’s soul to different world parallel to ours and with living creatures that only exist in myths and legends that we no longer believe in yet they do still exist which of course you will not believe it unless you see it .. but as I said only few people are given this gift of going through that door and looking inside to see the crazy shocking creation of the universe … while those who are not gifted in this matter will never believe or even imagine such a thing or that such a world exist out there and will keep on telling you and themselves that it is all in your head .. cause they never been there and never been exposed to such different kind of living and therefore can never even think of it seriously …. ‘
However .. believe me my friend … it is pretty serious and true .. and the naked eyes of man is not always stands as a prove of the existence of something .. such things are beyond us and needs believe .. believe is the key that opens up that door and if you are scared or do not believe in it no matter how many signs you were shown .. you will never enter it cause as I said without believe .. what is the point .. right ?
I am not talking here about satanic worshipping and shit like that .. no .. but it is a similar subject .. they are the same creatures but some of them are evil and others are good .. just like us humans.. ‘
well if you happen to be one of those chosen ones who were able to see the greatness of creation and were allowed to enter to that other world then you should remember that first of all the source of this is God .. it is His love that allowed you to see that hidden part of life from the rest of the world .. cause usually these chosen ones have some similar life style or problems .. they are usually the deprived and forsaken whether from their families or people .. and they should be grateful to God for letting them know that they are not forsaken and that he didn’t forget them but provided love to them even if it was in an unnatural way .. and shocking .. unbelievable kind of love that others will never understand what the hell they are talking about but will think right away that they are mad and have lost their heads .. but believe me .. I have seen it and I know it is there .. believe is the key .. embrace their love if you sense a good energy around you but stay away from the evil ones cause when you play with fire you get burned !!!
Keep this in mid
If you are so in love with your partner .. You will find yourself so satisfied emotionally, sexually, mentally and no matter how beautiful other girls or guys might be that you encounter wherever you go .. you will find yourself uneffected by them and unconcerned .. and do you know why ?? It is as simple as that .. because the woman you are with .. your partner is faithful to you and loyal, that’s why she is not doing anything that you do not approve of … and this is why you find yourself treating her the same unconcsiously But .. If suddenly you find yourself changed without any reason .. and started to look around and check girls/ men out .. or find yourself ok with the idea of meeting another girl/ guy .. then this is a sign of disloyality and betrayal !!! Because what you are doing now is nothing but a reflection of what is your partner is doing too at the same time.. In short .. if you truely love your partner and the feelings are mutual .. you will be under no pressure or temptation to be with another .. But as soon as you notice that you started to flirt around and feel sexually attracted to others .. then be sure that your partner is doing the same thing.. I don not mean by that that he /she must be cheating , no .. but it means that there is something different or have changed into your relationship and that a third party is involved in betweem you .. Mark my words .. this is a golden rule !!
It came to me in the freakiest way I have ever experienced .. A shocking, strange intrusion into my life.. But so unique and strangely captivating that you can’t ever forget the first time I laid my eyes on her.. The first time we talked face to face.. She was there all this time… Through the good and the bad.. Saw me in my glory and in my weakest moments.. She took couple of bunches for me.. For defending me … She was the only one who would feel so bad for me .. For the bad treatment I was receiving from the people around me .. She would defend me and get fucked up for me ..get sick.. Go through shit for my sake..
I never asked for her help.. But loved her as a friend and loved her to the point that I was by her side cause she is my friend.. I didn’t want anything more from her.. But she’s the quiet type.. Knowing her real intentions.. It took her almost three years to finally tell me how she really feels.
There’s this amount of tenderness and passion that I have never seen before or felt.. I was blind and yes I loved her from the outside but I didn’t spend much time in knowing the real person inside.. And when I did.. It’s hard for me to leave her for a moment or to go to work.. I wanna spend my whole time with her and don’t want to be far away from her sight..
I have to admit that I lost hope in finding love in the heart of man until I met her and felt that ln her.. I have seen love.. And have been touched by it.. And damn yeah it is divine.. And something that we all are going to experience in this life.. Don’t give up hope and take people to be all the same.. Are users and abusers.. Liers and incapable of love.. No there is.. There’s the good and the bad.. And if I knew nothing but bad experienes in the past with the wrong people.. Do not lose hope in finding someone like you.. Searching for love and in time you will meet and be with.. You never know what tomorrow holds..
Damn… I love being in love…
I’m writing this in bed with my girlfriend who I spent the night at her house since I don’t have work tomorrow ‘because it’s the weekend.. We ‘hardly slept all night and now it’s about 12p.m .. Today is usually a family day where each family visits the big mamma’s house for lunch.. The sisters and brothers gather up at least once weekly with their children and grand children ..all the family members meet in this particular day once a week to have lunch together and chat, gossip, and catch up with what is happening in their lives sharing news and gossip the purpose of this ritual is to strengthen the bond between relatives and allow the members of the family to get in touch with one another and to allow the younger generation in the family to know each other and grow up together knowing each other and so strengthening the bond between both generations and
To Fuck our day up since the kids keep knocking on the door and her sisters are here with their kids as well as the brothers and now you would laugh your heart out if you see us.. Her sister’s son is mangolian and he came to see my girlfriend.. He is a teenager and because we wanted cigarettes and food we put on our pjs and when she was talking to the maid and he came in and we were smoking a joint and didn’t really notice him as he sat with us while we were talking and he stayed there watching us as we were smoking laughing and I kissed her but she told me in a wiper : ” He’s a sick teenager.. Don’t ” looool and I was stoned so I wanted to tease her so I gave her a nice sexy kiss and damnnnn he was sitting cross legs facing us with a horny look in his eyes.. And my baby told him :I’m your auntie.. Do this with the maid!!
He grabbed her in a second and forced a kiss on her lips.. It was funny cause she was laughing but I was scared too cause he looked serious.. Shut we finally managed to kick him out.. My lunch arrived and I need to stay with my baby cause I have to go home soon..
Have a good freaking Friday everyone xoxo
Nowadays true love is hard to find.. I personally reached a point in my life when I started to believe that true love doesn’t exist in the heart of man.. And maybe what I’m saying is true to some point.. Cause in this age where everything can be bought and sold where everything has its price and nothing is for free.. And nothing is supposed to be for free.. There must be a price to pay for everything cause this is how things are supposed to be.. The world now is materialistic and money runs the show and controls everything.. Now.. Everything is done as a deal.. Business deal.. Even marriage and partnership.. Most of them are.. Men want one main thing from women and are willing to do everything to get it.. Women on the other hand want to be settled and well provided for.. They would love whoever their hearts may choose but will only marry one who will provide for them a better life and easy.. Luxurious living which they can brag about and depend on to save her from their miserable lives at home and take them away to a new place to a new life far away different than the one they have experienced in their youth… Most women look at marriage in this view but there are others who would work on their own to improve their lives and make their own living.. Working hard.. Independent and feel that the existence of a man in her life is unnecessary to make it better.. Because in this time men and women are no longer different and noone is better than the other.. We are equal and women do not need a man to make her feel fillfulled or happy.
I looked for love since an early age cause I come from a big family and to my parents I was just another number in the house.. Especially since I was the quite type of kid who expected them to come for me and didn’t want to bother them with my own shit nor felt that they would understand me or help me understand anything.. Cause from where I come from.. Stupid old traditions are still important and people respect and do them without questioning.. Just like in any small society all what parents care about is what will others say.. And they would rather live in a lie pretending to be someone they are not just to avoid gossip and ruining their reputation.. So they live here like saints but when they travel.. They would be themselves and do all the things they want to do .. But when they are here and among the people.. They would put on the mask and avoid getting the wrong kind of attention.. And they think it’s OK.. They live a double life where here they are part of the society and do what is expected of them to do.. But during vacations.. They can give themselves a break and be what they are without pretence or act…
I hate doing that and take it to be hypocrisy.. Because I refuse to live my life to please others.. And this is mainly why I do not get along with the rest of the people and feel like a freak among them.. But Fuck it.. I would not waste my life and live it to please others or expect their approval and acceptance…
As I said I learned things the hard way.. Taught myself everything and had noone who spared me his or Jerrine to teach me about the way of the world.. So I learned it myself and the more failure and heartache.. The more I learned and was able to understand the reailty of things and of people..
People disappointed me the most.. As lovers or friends that I reached a point when I lost hope in love and unconditional love.. But I also learned something.. That what you give is what you get.. And if you intend well or whatever you keep on mind and look for.. You will find.. Believe in love.. And look for it.. And you will find it.. It’s there and can be found but you have to have good intentions and know what you want and looking for.. And in the right time.. What you are looking for will come to you and fill your heart with what you need or looking for…
Believe in love…
Hello beautiful ppl … what a fucked up Sunday ha??
well change your mood and listen to this .. I cant honestly remember the name of the lead singer of Sound garden but damn he is both handsome and with great voice !!
This song is one of my fave ll hope you enjoy xoxo
P.s I will dedicate it to all my beautiful followers who I see their faces every time I post something, thank you for your support .. love you
† I was raised in a house with my father only ( may he rest in peace ) as the only male figure around. I have six sisters and no brothers , but being a tomboy among them ladies made me feel different and weird eversince we were kids. I never shared their interests or enjoyed their silly games – unless playing doctor or house with the girls next door lol !! I am aloner , never was and never been close to anyone of them … becauise of our large number, they formed certain groups during the years and each one of them had one or two who she felt comfortable around and grew up to find out they have the same interests and therefore became just like freinds .. yet in my case , finding a person not only at home but in schools and world … in my life in general .. I never experienced this feelingf of having a true friend that helped me understand what this word really means or helped me to beleive that true friendship really did exist .. pure .. unconditional relationship between two people who just enjoyed eacho other’s compony and didn’t want anything from each other or exected anything in return but to share mutual respect and love for one another without any personal benefit to be expectyed from this relation
..† Girls loved me since I was young .. and back then I didn’t really understood what it is that they wanted from me .. Most of the girls I have been with since I was 14 or so were girlies .. and they would call me constantly and invite me along to their places .. they would get touchy and with our hormones going wild at that age .. my relationship with women were mainly more than friendship .. on the contrary .. it was with men that I experienced more of that relation than with women… and I still do feel more comfortable around them than with women cause women usually do not consider me as a female .. and moreover , thier interests , gossip , envy and jealousy … damn.. I work now in a place where 90% of its employees are women.. and till now at this age , I still feel like a freak a mong them and try to be friends with them no matter if they were girls or tomboys like me .. but it is so damn hard to find one who would be honest with you .. women are not honest .. they drop hints , and pretend to feel things that they don’t and live their lives acting to feel and be something they are not .. and I don’t understand why the fuck they would do such a thing?? Most of them do here in my society do such a thing . Are they cowards?? I don’t think so .. I beleive that they dont like to confront others and tell they how they really feel .. maybe of certain benefits that they don’t want to lose the other person.. or because they just enjoy gossping and pretending and playing a part that they are your friend in order to know your weak points , to gain your trust , and to use it if they need to in the future. Well I am not saying that women are mean and snake-like ., but they are very clever and emotional, and they keep things in their hearts and i guess they get confused sometimes because most of them get really jealous and envious from one another but do not like to admit it
jealousy .. stop comparing her to others and make her feel , if you really love her and care about her , like the most beautiful thing in the whole world .. inner beauty is more important that the outside.. and if you want to be happy with the woman you love you should know how to treat her .. treat her like a princess .. I love women xoxo
True love is like Ghosts… which everyone talks about and few have seen …
The doors Of Perception 