Time Is All We Have ..

I’m the kind of person who rarely wears a watch, or be where I am suppose to be in the appointed time. I spend couple of years after I got my BA at home living like a bum, doing nothing just wasted and in la la land.. the awareness of time never really mattered to me and I have to admit that being wasted all day every day made me lose track of time .. I would plan to do something and it will take me so much time to plan first and then do the first step .. then I would get wasted and leave it aside to come back to it after couple of months and by the time I am finally done with a single thing, a year would have passed whereas for normal people who would check on their work and be there on their appointments, the same work they would probably finish it in less than three months. But when you are an addict, you can not move without your fix which means that daily before I can go and do my thing and deal with people, I should be fixed and not in withdrawals damn it.. and since I was unemployed the money was tight and my family won’t help me with more than what I needed, not wanting support and help me get fixed which made things worse cause I couldn’t move unless I am high and my family, esp mom didn’t want that.. She knew if I were to be employed in this state. I will be ruining my reputation at my new working place and eventually be kicked out just like any addict and that’s why she was trying to convince me that I don’t really have to work because I cant work in this state.. that I should get myself fixed up first before starting any movement and applying to any job.
You see, I am not the typical kind of juntake ou meet and expect to be.. I was tricked into it and used Heroin without even knowing what it was because I was hanging around with the wrong crowd who saw me as an easy target to take advantage of and get me addictive in order to provide them with money and H since I had my connections and before using was very active and ambitious .. I took my classes in the morning and worked as a part time employer in the Radio station here in my country.. I even applied and got the job myself without anyone’s help .. a thing we do not do in my country where everything is done by relatives and friends recommendations.. You need to know someone to hook you up but this didn’t stop me and you know when you put your mind into something you do it and so I did it but the problem is that there where I met many artist and musicians and you know how it is .. I was young and got mixed up with the wrong crowd.. you know how the story goes …
Now a year almost after I did as my mother adviced me and proved how serious I am I gotta tell you it feels like I was lost in the Arabian desert for years .. like that movie for Tom Hanks when the plain crashed and they all thought him dead and he survived in a fucked up way .. I was living like him when I was using and out of work the way he was living in the deserted island and suddenly I was found and got a ride and now I am crusing in this beautiful sports car with a beautiful woman next to me driving me back home , and I have changed 180 degrees now than what I used to be … and it brings me great joy to know that I have finally found my way back and started living again… this whole experience taught me that time must not be taken for granted.. time is so important and it is passing us by as we get older and if you let things go the way I did and let others run your life you will end up reborn again but a bit later than the rest your friends who hardly passed college while I graduated with a high GPA but what’s the point, those years I spent tripping in my bed and sleeping they gained more experience and went a way more advanced level than the one I am in now.. but I try not to think about the past casue it is over and I can not do anything about it .. so now is the time that will shape my future and it is better to move and be in the place I am now than to stay in that desert and go in circles for the rest of my life ..
what mostly scared me honestly is the death of my friends.. most of my friends passed away and when I think about it I don’t think it is time for me yet to leave this place .. there is so much to do and see .. I didn’t even travel for years, or had a normal relationship with friends or lovers cause mostly they were based on drugs and you know how ugly this can be.. when you are using you don’t love anyone but the shit and you are willing to do anytbing to get your fix and I wasted so much time with the wrong people who were only there for the shit and when I didn’t have money or shit no one would bother to ask about me and I was sick and tired of that.. this world that I was in was so ugly and cruel and I am so happy to be out of it and starting a new life .. never say never .. and never is too late ..